in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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