i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
