I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize