Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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