I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
