nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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