so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
