you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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