Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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