The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
