just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please don't give away my fajitas
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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