I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
