he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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