The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am naked and annoyed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
