Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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