somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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