Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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