I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
