you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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