How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
