I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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