I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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