in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
