I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm really busy with my period
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