Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
