One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
