When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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