I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry about my life...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
