He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
