Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
