mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
