does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
