considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Enjoy the penises
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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