You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
