i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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