when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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