either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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