apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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