So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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