No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
