I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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