i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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