Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
