My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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