maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
