You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize