hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
