Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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