So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
