I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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