I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't turn off my feet"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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