I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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