their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
