She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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