is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
