dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
