So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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