I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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