Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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