Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
