And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
