i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
