He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
