I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
