I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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