apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
