Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
