We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
