I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
