people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
