I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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