And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
