yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
