I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
