It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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