best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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