I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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